Take Pwiicautions
The Wii small hours this morning found TAT, his dodgy Italian friend and me surrounding the TV set, psyching ourselves up for a Wii game of tennis or two.
Various screenshots flashed in front of our eyes as the characters were being set up and the controls configured, the final screenshot advertised that gaming might be made more comfortable with the use of Wii jackets.
“Why’s that?” … I asked… ”is that so you don’t crack someone’s skull open when it gets in the way of a back-hand shot?”
“Nah, it’s so that when you let go of the controller accidentally, it won’t break when it hits the wall” guessed the dodgy Italian friend.
“Maybe it stops your hand getting sweaty or from cramping up, y’know, ergonomics and all that. Is that a word?” I fought with the rubbery cover and dirty thoughts crossed my mind as I did so, but I didn’t voice them. That’s New Year’s resolution no. 16.
“Nope” said TAT “you’re both wrong. It’s to prevent S.T.Wiis!”
Groan.
Soft cloth my arse
George Foreman grills are great n’all, but you know what gets me? Their cleaning instructions.
-Do not use abrasive materials when cleaning your grill
-Do not use abrasive detergents
-Clean with damp kitchen towel and dry with a soft polishing cloth.
Yeah. Right.
What they should say, is:
-Don’t worry about attempting to de-grease this yoke while it’s still hot, because obviously you’re too busy eating at this stage. Instead, sprinkle a light dusting of baking soda on the surface, come back when the unit has cooled, then scrape the bollix out of it with that rather useless plastic tool we provide for you.
-Don’t use scouring pads (obviously), but don’t be lured into buying one of those gimmicky Foreman sponges either, unless you like the feeling of listeria infested rasher excrement between your fingers.
-Best of luck degreasing this contraption… hate to be you!
That’s what they should say.
The Power of One
Give a thought to the environment this Christmas.
Instead of slagging the cheesy light displays that scourge the national grid every year, it only takes one minute to do the right thing.
Sneak up the driveway and unscrew ONE bulb in each light sequence. Don’t remove it completely, the source of the problem would be too easy to spot.
One person, one minute, one bulb. Save the planet and satisfy your inner evil child all at once!
You know you want to.
Noelie McDonnell – Nearly Four
I heard this song recently on the radio and fell madly in love with it instantly. It’s the best caption of toddler-hood I think I’ve ever seen, so I’m putting it here so I know where to find it!
Have a listen of it if you need cheering up today.
The defenstration of Maxi Cane
There is much rejoicing in K8opia!
In the guise of an innocent peace-offering, we managed to smuggle several brave soldiers into Maxiland, hidden in a giant ‘M’. Based on the knowledge that none of the residents of Maxiland ever went to school, he would be unprepared for this tactic, and guess what? We were right!!!
Maxi has been captured, and his various parts will soon be on display in our gift-shop.
Medals of valour will soon be presented to our brave officers…
Grandad; Army Chief of Staff, for a perfect infiltration plan.
JackMcMad; For his epic rage against the SUCK.
Jefferson; For his undying loyalty against the endless siege of abuse
Kirk M; Because every war needs a puppy.
Roy, English Mum and Brian; For excellence in bombing.
Tune in for the playful torturing of Maxiland’s remaining lapdogs!!!
Operation Shenanegan
I recently deployed some expertly trained men to infiltrate Camp Maxi and catch them at their strange antics.
Mission successful.
Ewes rock!!!
This is a quick post just to say thank you.
Your comments bowled me over. The traffic my page received from the countless links you loaned me is astonishing, and your kind words and promises to pass the information on are similar to an over-sized fleece jumper straight out of the tumble-dryer. Thank you for helping; for queuing and stamp-licking and filling in blank spaces… even if you could only afford the time to read the story I’m eternally grateful.
I do so love this blogging lark.
(In thy face, Mr. Waters.)
Diversion
I wrote a new post just now, but decided that it was way to important to me to let it trickle down the page and out of sight as soon as more stuff is written. So, I turned it into a new page instead.
It’s a story and a cry for help and if you could mosey in and have a look at it I’d be ever so grateful.
CLICK ME!
Heresay
I have it on good authority that despite offering low petrol/diesel prices, many fuel stations around the country are putting dilutants and additives into their go-juice. Hardly surprising really.
The side-effects of these additives are damage to the engine, less mileage per gallon, and I was told that there were even a few incidents of cars blowing up in the UK, but I’m sceptical.
So, my tip to all drivers out there is: Avoid Tesco, Applegreen and Topaz pumps like the plague, and stick to Esso. It may feel more expensive to fill a tank, but at least your car won’t explode.
Nice view
I’m afraid this is the most interesting thing that happened to me at work today:
As much as I know it’s wrong to take the piss out of a town, I can’t help but notice that Bray makes it far too easy.
