K8 the GR8

I was just thinking the other day, so I was, about how quiet it all is on the meme front these days.  Then I regretted thinking it because that’s like saying… ‘at least it’s not raining!’, and sure enough, a nice big juicy meme arrived in my linkses.

It’s from my Daddyo who at least has the good taste to only forward the good ones.

It’s called the ‘Getting Your Goat’ meme.

The Rules

1. List two things that irritate you for a reason (and list the reason!), and two things that irritate you for no apparent reason whatsoever!!
2. Give credit to the person who tagged you.
3. Link your answers to the original blog.
4. Tag four new people to participate.

YAY!  Everyone appreciates a good opportunity to whinge, well, Irish people do, anyway.

1. Two things that annoy the hell out of me for good reason:

Toy/Miniature dogs: I’m so delighted that I share this one with English Mum.  A Bichon Frise is not a dog.  It is a tampon with teeth.  Maltezers, especially the ones with the ponytails, look stupid and love to Yap into the wee small hours.  I know this because my next-door neighbour has one.  When TAT asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said ‘a BB gun’ and so he bought me one.  I’m nearly out of bullets but at least I’m getting a lot more sleep!  The Shih-Tzu’s only redeeming feature is that occasionally one will walk over an up-draught ventilator a la Marylin Monroe which is a very entertaining sight indeed.

Stranger than fiction

Packaging:  Foundations that claim to contain ‘nano light-reflecting diamond-chips’ and ‘Micro-Collagen-Spheres’.  Shampoos with extracts of things like fig-leaf and Gogi-berries.  It’s all just the same mix of Cetearyl Alcohol, Benzyl Salicylate and Methylchloroisothiazolinone but with a different smell.  I wish they’d just scrap the bullshit and sell us re-cyclable plain containers instead.  Buggered if I’m paying for your adverstising costs!

Two things that irritate me for no real reason:

Over-acted radio voices/personalities: Mainly two:  Harvey Norman (at least the owner of the advertising voice), or should I scream ‘HAAAAAAVVVIE NOOOOOWWMAN!!!’ should be sacked and given the job of a cricket commentator instead.  Michael McMullen is a sports commentator on Today FM and starts every single bulletin with… ‘Hoooy, Oi’m Moich’l Mok Mulllll’n.’  His accent is a cross between Lloyd Grossman and that of a Blackrock College student and it makes my face feel like it needs to turn inside-out.

Ugg Boots: These are okay on their own, they’re warm and cosy.  I just hate it when they come with grey-hound-skirt wearing slappers.  A girl cakes herself in sparkly makeup, inserts the hair-extensions and breaks out the tiny dress with optimum bling and suddenly realises she’s sending out the wrong impression.  What does she do?  She dons Ugg Boots.  Now she thinks her legs look amazing and men will just think she’s a quirky cutie, but in reality she looks totally fucking ridiculous.  I would love to just walk over to these girls and slap them, I have no idea why.  

2. Credit to Squidward for the meme.

3. Linky hand-shakes to the dude who invented this meme: www.skillet.com

4. Meme dutifully passed to: Warrior, Jefferson Davis, Sam Problemchildbride and Kirk M who also gets my Dog’s Bollocks of the month award for being so constantly inconsistently entertaining lately.

Grandad maimed me elaborately. 

I’ve to describe meself in 6 words, which would be -

Moody; Loyal; Misinterpreted; Lazy; Ditzy; Strange

You know what?  I’m going to save you all the ball-ache of doing this or explaining to me that you’ve already done it, thank you very much, and I’m going to go off and trawl the internet for random blogs as a random curiosity project for myself instead.

Here’s who I found:

My Strange Blog… Rick Gottlieb’s Blog… RealFake… Stalking with the stars… Truckdriver Blog 

(You don’t know me, but I just maimed you.  My dad made me do it.)

I’m the tiredest person in the world.  From being unemployed (or a ‘Home Engineer’ as I like to put it) to a full-time cabby in less than 60 seconds has taken it’s toll a bit!  Me poor blog has taken to the backburner, but I’ll try to keep her ticking over - at least until I’ve finished programming photos into me Celtclanink.com, which is a task that hangs over me like a box of Acme TNT.  Pardon me if I’m a bit quiet.

I love being a cabby, me.  Bray is full of diversity… it’s only been a week and I’ve already met the village idiot and the new Messiah!  Seriously though, taxiing is a rich farm of interesting conversations.  Everyone wants to talk to a stranger, as Pedro rightly pointed out during a game of Colin McRae after work today. 

I made my first taxi-punter regular!  A girl and her fella took a shine to me last week and by coincidence, got me again today.  When her boyfriend hopped out, she got me to drive her to the top of the town, then back down to the bottom again in rush hour traffic.  She was in the car for almost an hour but we spent it happily burning our each other’s ears off (with matches!-it’s so nice to meet a fellow sado-masochist) and comparing tattoos.  She gave me a small fortune of a tip and asked me to stick around!  Sweet.

A little old lady likened me to James Bond for my driving skills, and a younger Austrian lady informed me that it costs €55 (FIFTY FIVE SQUIDS?!?!?) to have one’s nails varnished at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Enniskerry.  My, but isn’t that one posh spa.  I hope she buffs first!

-o-

Jefferson has me tagged with one of his own nifty inventions-

“Bring to your consciousness those memoriesof the things you’ve seen and the places you’ve been over the last twenty-four hours. Good. Now select a one-minute sequence of events and try to replay it over and over again in your mind.��?

From “The Three Bears“, by Derec Jones. 

Whoa… which minute?!  How to choose?!?!  Ok here goes:

I’m sitting on the Putland Road with the door open and the sun shining strong, having a smoke (shhhh!).  The CB radio has been quiet, and the lads out on the streets are getting bored. 

- *cchhh* 21, Tommy?

- *cchhh* Yeah go ahead Pa’.

- *cchhh* Do you have a number for this fella? What does he look like?

- *cchhh* 28, K8 - have you got details for this lad?

- *cchhh* Umm, no.  He’s in his sixties, long scruffyish hair. (I release the button and curse loudly - bad rookie!)

- *cchhh* Heh.. sounds like you, Pa’!

- *cchhh* Rrrrrodge.

- *cchhh* Car 11 is clear.

- *cchhh* Yeah clear.  Ehhh… 28, uh.. ehhh.  Whatsit ehhhhhh.. K… uuuuhhhh.. um.. (etc for 12 seconds of forgetful torture while I scream RELEASE THE BUTTON SO I CAN TELL YA!!! at the radio.) uhhhh… Kate!

- I pause to quash a bad dose of giggles… *cchhh* snif - Yeah, go ahead *ahem*

- *cchhh* Sorry there.  Brain blocked. Could you go up to Dunnes there and pick up a Missuz Whotsit with her shopping for 14 Backageegee street? 

-*cchhh* Sure thing.  And Tommy?

-*cchhh* Yeah go ahead

-*cchhh* Keep your ‘uuuhhs’ to yourself next time, ok?

-*cchhh* Wha?

-*cchhh* tee hee hee!

I couldn’t believe that someone actually pressed their mike button just to giggle.  How great this job is!

I like this one.  Fair play Jeffo

Passing the pencil to: The Benster, Resident Alien, Doc (The Accidental Terrorist may or may not be on to you… he’s being very furtive about penguins lately), Sam Problemchildbride, and Thriftcriminal.

Head. Pillow. Hit. Zzzzzzzz.

Today was full of Bray.  I learned many shortcuts thanks to daring passenger’s advice, and now know that it is not a good idea to stop - for any reason - in Fassaroe.  I am tired. 

I’m especially tired of Coastcare blogging.  I wrote a very in-depth post last night which was researched and politically correct and linked to the extreme.  It took me an hour.  I then went off to look for a photo and when I returned, the God of Irony decided to delete it.  Gone.  Forever.  Even the draft copy.

I just wrote a half-assed version of it tonight, and am saddened by its lack of traffic.  It reminds me of the old days! 

Here it is: The Brittas Bay Coastcare Blog

*sigh*

I would be extremely grateful if you could all pop over there for a sec and leave some sort of mark…  Animals are welcome (I’m lookin’ at you, sheeplady) as well as pirates and adventurers searching for treasure.  You know what I mean.

*sigh*

On a different note, I got memed by Hairyfish for the memoir in 6 words thing, the object is to… ah sure you know the craic by now. 

“Soul’s full of pins and needles”

…would be mine.  My photo is:

This picture is of a quiet man who lives near Parnell’s house in Avondale Woods, here in Rathdrum (not in Rathnew as I stupidly blurted involuntarily over the CB today. D’OH.  Stupid.  Bad rookie!)  This place is the most amazing place in the world, especially if you’re a dog who loves sticks and rivers and picnics and lots and lots of walking. 

I’m listening to a most excellent CD what I got in the post this morning from Tenacious T (consider yourself memed!!).  Guy seriously picks good material.  I’ll let you know what’s on it later, but I’m too monged out from all the blogging to do anything but listen to it right now.

Also I noticed I really need to update my blogroll from my favourites and google reader lists but TAT is nagging me to get off the computer so I have to go…. I’ll meme some more people one everything’s all fresh and pretty tomorrow if you don’t mind. 

You’re Goddamn right, it’s a beautiful day, uh huh.

Addendum: Oh yes, I have some serious memeing to do, don’t I!?  You thought you’d get away with it, didn’t you?  Eeny… Meeny… Miny… Mo.

Things might be quiet around here for a while.

I’m a community volunteer, see, and there really aren’t enough of us around, surprisingly enough.  So, It’s been put upon me to create posters, mail-shots, invitations and press releases to advertise an upcoming beach-clean.  Seriously, how on earth does one rally enthusiasm for picking up old nappies and hypodermic needles?

You know what else?  A local tattoo artist has noticed my blog and has got it into his head that I might design a website for him in return for certain… umm… ‘favours’.  There are certain members of my family that are particularily skilled in the technological department, but unfortunately, I’m not one of them.  I tried to learn HTML, I really did, but my efforts always end up swamped by apathy.  This means my web-site building is on a par with your average 10-year old’s.  Seriously though - have you ever tried to decypher a page of html script?  It’s like trying to read Chinese writing, unless you happen to be Chinese, of course. 

Still, I’ll give it a go, then post up a link so you can all have a good laugh.

I know I have a few memes to catch up on… Terence McDanger in his evil ways has suckered me with that damn ‘Seven things about you’ meme again.  I feel that if I don’t continue the chain I won’t go to heaven, so it’ll find it’s way from the dark corners of my brain and onto this here blog soon enough.

The other meme is from Jefferson Davis and his lovely cotton (poo-soaked) socks.  It’s not really a meme, but instead an award which tickles my insides like Guinness drunk out of a bottle with a straw:

 But why?:

Art Prize and Award
“This prize has arisen from the daily visits that I dedicate to many blogs which nourish me and enrich me with creativity. In them I see dedication, creativity, care, comradeship, but mainly, ART, much art. I want to share this prize with all those bloggers that entertain me day to day and to share this prize with those who enrich me every day. Doubtlessly, there are many and it will be hard to pick just a few, the people I will name today deserve this prize, as do the very long serious list of bloggers I also enjoy to read, but I will name the first 10 and will leave the rest of the work to all the bloggers that visit other’s blogs and are nourished by them.”

Awww!  Thanks Jeffo!

I spread this appreciation to: The humblest of housewives, the craftiest of knitters, a cabbie most solid, a photographer most universal, and the most talented of scribblers.  People, your arts inspire me and scratch my proverbial itch.

Seeing as I have the opportunity and we’re sort of on the subject, I would also like to publish a rare MySpace link.  Clare Hartigan’s art is truly awe-inspiring, and well worth a visit.

I’ll be back soon, if my brain doesn’t overheat first.

First of all, I’d like to thank Sue Doe Nim from the heart of my bottom for recognising that it is tough work growing up a relatively normal person given the fact that my parents are both complete nutters.

I’d also like to thank her for this:

It gives me warm fuzzies to think my printed brain farts are making a difference to her day!

I’m going to pass it on to ten of you fellow brain-farters, just because your blogs cheer me up and get my cogs grinding.  Youz all rock so you doez.

Baino, because I’m raging you live so far away and the Blog Awards gave me a hankering to share a drink with you.
Hailey, for being real in all senses of the word!
English Mum, because I love your blog and your Bert.
Jenny, because your posts are always interesting and I like the way you think.
Manuel, because I like the cut of your jib.
Hairyfish, you are the King of funny quickies!
Dad, because you could do with some iron, and you’re my bloggy idol as well as my reality idol!
Medbh, for keeping it real and because you’re so pretty.
Moo-Dog, because I can’t believe I haven’t discovered your genius earlier!
and
Brian, because you were there from day one

I’ve noticed, though, that the award itself is very pretty.  While us ladies love this sort of thing, I’m worried that the blokes will think it a little too… umm… ‘quaint’.  So for you gents who would prefer something slightly more butch, I give you this:

This next meme is from Brian who I would also like to thank because his meme is easy-peasy and da’cent craic.

Four jobs I’ve held:
-Pharmacy Technician (Unqualified! I lied my ass off to get that job)
-Dunnes Stores Checkout girl
-Pint puller in a hotel near Bray
-P.A. to the M.D. of a glazing company (This sounds impressive, but there were just two of us working for the company.  Christmas parties were really quiet.)

Four movies I’ve watched over and over again:
-The Snapper
-The Power of One
-Stand by Me
-The Labyrinth

Four places I’ve been:
-Stonehenge
-Skinnydipping in the sea on a Donegal beach at night-time surrounded by thousands of tiny glowing swimming ameoba
-In a cave in France with a candle and my dad, surrounded by bats, cavepaintings, and huge white spiders
-Trabolgan (exotic, ooooo!)

Four places I’ve lived:
-Dun Laoghaire
-Kilpeddar
-Wicklow Town
-Terenure
(Not too well-travelled, me)

Four tv shows I watch:
-The Shield
-The Wire
-Weeds
-Sopranos

Four radio shows I listen to:
-Ray D’Arcy (Today FM)
-Jenny Huston’s The Waiting Room
-Rick O’Shea (2FM) and I’m not ‘just saying’ that because he’s a bloggerer!
-Matt Cooper’s The Last Word

Four things I look forward to:
-Moving house
-The smell of the first lawn-cut of the summer
-Having money to spare again
-Brushing out the dog’s winter coat

Four favourite foods:
-Prawn Curries
-Black Olives
-Spreadable Chocolate Sauce
-Chili Con Carne

Four places I’d rather be:
-Living in my new house
-Thailand
-In the pilot seat of an F14 fighter jet
-Camping in the Grand Canyon

Four people I email regularly:
-Me aul ‘fla
-My buddy Lou
-The Chairman of the local resource group I belong to
-Mathilde, an ex-French student of ours

The rules say that I have to pass this meme on to four people, then comment on their blogs to let them know.  I am however, in Sue-Doe-Nim style, going to break the last part of this rule because I’m on a dial-up connection which has to be disconnected now for the good of my bank balance.  Don’t worry though, I’ll be reminding you in due course…

I pass this meme forward to Me Mammy, Eire Rules, Jenny in her Living Room, and Curly K!  Have fun, ladies!

I is happy dog with special guest spot on my best friend’s blog I is Wouldye and this is me

Gives us high-fives!

She says she has meme from squirrel on Jefferson Davis’ blog and she give it to me-  I has never seen squirrel before so I has wags to meet one!

I says its difficult to type on keyboard with big paws so I got given Bonio to type with and my best friend sits beside me to tell me how to spell because I has gots no education- she is well clever that way- she also tell me to use fullstops but they are too slow- I use dash- Dash is good fun especially when tennisball is involved

I will tell you now about six quirks that I have-

1- I has wicked sense of humour!  I reads poem once what my mistress wrote about me and I tells her it is doggerel- She not get this joke but youz will because you is cleverer than what she is

2- I is loves cats and I doesn’t understand why dogs has such bad name for chasing cats- I thinks this is racial-  They have ass what smell just as nice as ours and have good skills for climbing so I is jealous- they’s don’t have much sense of humour though

3- My favourite things is sticks and rocks and tennisballs and golfballs- throwing these things makes my best friend very happy so I is glad to oblige- i even fetch from sea which is dangerous but well worth it for the GOOD BOY I gets shouted to.

4- I has had my balls cut off when I was puppy which is ruff but I don’ts remember what they were for so I is sure is for the best- it still all taste the same down there anyways-  My master says balls are for puppies but my mistress has two puppies already so that is plenty to guard for me

5- I don’t like bridges I think sticks are there to be fetched and not to walk on because it is well scary- I don’t see why youz two-legs don’t just swim across rivers cos this is way more fun and saves baths I don’t like baths either

6- I is notice that people don’t understand my name like the nasty ladies in the vets place- I is called Wouldye because I has clever master- He say ‘Wouldye fuck off’ so off I fucks with no needs for namby pamby middle names- like dog next door is called Fluffy because it is fluffy but any fools can sees that- Is funny too when mistress shouts ‘Wouldye get the ball!’ and strangers run to get my ball because they thinks she is angry with them and I laughs because they is so thick because I know she is talking to me

Best friend tells me I has to links to other animals for to see what their quirks is so I is choose:

Sandy (She is very shy so youz has to be nice to her)
Kat (See I told youz i is not racial)
Derby (Youz clicks the ads on his masters blog and it buyz him more Bonios- see?)

I fought African lions to find the perfect choir.  I practised the bongos for hours on end in the back of The Accidental Terrorist’s van.  I studied Coltrane until his notes bled out of my ears and paid Santana for guitar lessons with endless twisted sexual favours, but in the end, it was totally worth it. 

Here’s my CD.  Dave Fanning just phoned and told me he wanted me to have his babies, which was a nice compliment.   I hope they don’t overplay it too much on the radio.  I hate that.

*just kidding*

This is an Andre Image Stone.

 ”I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.” Garrison Keillor (1942 - )

Thanks for the meme, daddyo!  I pass it to….  Haley! (The goddess of coffee and nose piercings) 

Here are your links, dollface!

This random article title is the name of your band

The last four words of the very last quote is the name of your album

The third picture on this page is your cover

Have fun

I’m still waiting for those yella feckers to get back to me so that I can follow through with Brian’s meme!

In the meantime, Grannymar’s throwing them around like there’s no tomorrow!  Hers, however, is one of those lovely memes that involves no imagination, just a few keywords in the search-bar.  Yes!  It’s dredge up your old posts time!

Ze rulez:

Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given here (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like).
Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

*sweet*

FAMILY; This is a post I wrote about me aul’ pair going on holidays leaving me in charge of their gaff, and all the fun I almost had.

FRIEND; A tasteless joke my buddy Lou told me, and an amusing study on the effects drugs have on web-building, which has nothing to do with the subject matter but I’m terrible for writing about friends because I don’t have any.

MYSELF; A very long and deep confession about a strange personality flaw I have.

MY LOVE; This is a post that proves my inadequacy at expressing feelings, I just can’t do soppy.  I prefer metaphors.

ANYTHING I LIKE; Some inspiration I found in my little book of complete bollocks.

This license to regurgitate is hereby passed to Going Like Sixty, ShiteDrivers.com, Well done Fillet (an excellent site recommended by Humblehousewife!), errr humblehousewife, and my dear dad, Read Hambles!

I’ve been triple tagged! Ouch.

Virtual armpit wedgies for Jack Mc Mad, Kirk, and Jefferson Davis.

That’s what I get for being both lazy and chronically busy at the same time. I’ve hung around so long there’s nobody left to tag! It’s gotten so bad, that even Grannymar’s been snared, and everybody knows this is an absolute last resort.

So here it is, my tag of deepest secrets, smeared and stained and left to air for the amusement of the general public. It pains me to reveal this stuff, the stuff that only a therapist should know about. I refuse point blank right now to carry through with the tag Dad just got, should it somehow land in my linklinks. Right?

Ok. *sigh* Here we go.

Here are the rules of the Meme:
Post on your blog . . .
+ Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
+ Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
+ Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
+ Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

(nervous shuffle)

1. I have fantasies about the various ways I could kill my next door neighbour’s cat, along with the possible ways I could wear it afterwards. I am not mean. It is an evil cat with beautiful fur.

2. I seem to have developed a crush on Maggie Gyllenhaal for some reason. I hope my mother wasn’t right after all…

3. Anal Suppositories wierd me out. I just can’t put my finger on it.

4. I think I have a personality disorder. Either that or I’m turning into my parents. When the disorder is discovered and studied, I hope they put my name on it.

5. I had a serious phobia about knocking my two front teeth out (this is my dad’s fault) for years. Sometimes I even used to walk up and down stairs with my hand over my mouth just in case I fell. Then, when I got very pissed one night and fell down a hill, the first part of me that collided with the pavement was my left incisor. I broke the tooth clean in half, but didn’t feel a thing. Yes, I did whistle on the fricatives. It was very embarrassing. But, at least the phobia’s gone now.

6. There were bars placed on all the windows of Merville student residence in UCD as a result of a really idiotic studenty stunt I pulled. All it takes is one truly heroic person to sacrifice themselves for the cause of highlighting public liability. That person is me.

7. I am addicted to the sound of electric fans. I’ve had this since I was very young. It’s very a strange, expensive and annoying habit, but I just find the sound extremely soothing. Recording the sound of a running fan heater and playing it back to myself is not the same thing. It is somewhat related to the gratuitous fact that I’m always bloody cold, maybe.

And now, to pass on the pain….
*7 hours later*

Betty the Sheep
Foreigner by Default
Resident Alien
Stranded on Gaia
Coffee Helps! (Especially with this.)
Helga Von Porno
Rick O’Shea is a presenter on 2fm who has, I just discovered, his own blog. I’m tagging him for the craic because I like him and I like doing mean things to people I like.

I deeply apologise to you all, especially if I have re-tagged you. I have just used this as a cheap tool to link to all of your very linkworthy sites. Pass it on if you like, I don’t care. It’s gone from my shoulders!!! Forever!!!!

On a different note, here is a genuine photograph of the fattest giraffe in the world.

I stole it from this page.
For more random animal strangeness, go see this page.