K8 the GR8

Things might be quiet around here for a while.

I’m a community volunteer, see, and there really aren’t enough of us around, surprisingly enough.  So, It’s been put upon me to create posters, mail-shots, invitations and press releases to advertise an upcoming beach-clean.  Seriously, how on earth does one rally enthusiasm for picking up old nappies and hypodermic needles?

You know what else?  A local tattoo artist has noticed my blog and has got it into his head that I might design a website for him in return for certain… umm… ‘favours’.  There are certain members of my family that are particularily skilled in the technological department, but unfortunately, I’m not one of them.  I tried to learn HTML, I really did, but my efforts always end up swamped by apathy.  This means my web-site building is on a par with your average 10-year old’s.  Seriously though - have you ever tried to decypher a page of html script?  It’s like trying to read Chinese writing, unless you happen to be Chinese, of course. 

Still, I’ll give it a go, then post up a link so you can all have a good laugh.

I know I have a few memes to catch up on… Terence McDanger in his evil ways has suckered me with that damn ‘Seven things about you’ meme again.  I feel that if I don’t continue the chain I won’t go to heaven, so it’ll find it’s way from the dark corners of my brain and onto this here blog soon enough.

The other meme is from Jefferson Davis and his lovely cotton (poo-soaked) socks.  It’s not really a meme, but instead an award which tickles my insides like Guinness drunk out of a bottle with a straw:

 But why?:

Art Prize and Award
“This prize has arisen from the daily visits that I dedicate to many blogs which nourish me and enrich me with creativity. In them I see dedication, creativity, care, comradeship, but mainly, ART, much art. I want to share this prize with all those bloggers that entertain me day to day and to share this prize with those who enrich me every day. Doubtlessly, there are many and it will be hard to pick just a few, the people I will name today deserve this prize, as do the very long serious list of bloggers I also enjoy to read, but I will name the first 10 and will leave the rest of the work to all the bloggers that visit other’s blogs and are nourished by them.”

Awww!  Thanks Jeffo!

I spread this appreciation to: The humblest of housewives, the craftiest of knitters, a cabbie most solid, a photographer most universal, and the most talented of scribblers.  People, your arts inspire me and scratch my proverbial itch.

Seeing as I have the opportunity and we’re sort of on the subject, I would also like to publish a rare MySpace link.  Clare Hartigan’s art is truly awe-inspiring, and well worth a visit.

I’ll be back soon, if my brain doesn’t overheat first.

First of all, I’d like to thank Sue Doe Nim from the heart of my bottom for recognising that it is tough work growing up a relatively normal person given the fact that my parents are both complete nutters.

I’d also like to thank her for this:

It gives me warm fuzzies to think my printed brain farts are making a difference to her day!

I’m going to pass it on to ten of you fellow brain-farters, just because your blogs cheer me up and get my cogs grinding.  Youz all rock so you doez.

Baino, because I’m raging you live so far away and the Blog Awards gave me a hankering to share a drink with you.
Hailey, for being real in all senses of the word!
English Mum, because I love your blog and your Bert.
Jenny, because your posts are always interesting and I like the way you think.
Manuel, because I like the cut of your jib.
Hairyfish, you are the King of funny quickies!
Dad, because you could do with some iron, and you’re my bloggy idol as well as my reality idol!
Medbh, for keeping it real and because you’re so pretty.
Moo-Dog, because I can’t believe I haven’t discovered your genius earlier!
and
Brian, because you were there from day one

I’ve noticed, though, that the award itself is very pretty.  While us ladies love this sort of thing, I’m worried that the blokes will think it a little too… umm… ‘quaint’.  So for you gents who would prefer something slightly more butch, I give you this:

This next meme is from Brian who I would also like to thank because his meme is easy-peasy and da’cent craic.

Four jobs I’ve held:
-Pharmacy Technician (Unqualified! I lied my ass off to get that job)
-Dunnes Stores Checkout girl
-Pint puller in a hotel near Bray
-P.A. to the M.D. of a glazing company (This sounds impressive, but there were just two of us working for the company.  Christmas parties were really quiet.)

Four movies I’ve watched over and over again:
-The Snapper
-The Power of One
-Stand by Me
-The Labyrinth

Four places I’ve been:
-Stonehenge
-Skinnydipping in the sea on a Donegal beach at night-time surrounded by thousands of tiny glowing swimming ameoba
-In a cave in France with a candle and my dad, surrounded by bats, cavepaintings, and huge white spiders
-Trabolgan (exotic, ooooo!)

Four places I’ve lived:
-Dun Laoghaire
-Kilpeddar
-Wicklow Town
-Terenure
(Not too well-travelled, me)

Four tv shows I watch:
-The Shield
-The Wire
-Weeds
-Sopranos

Four radio shows I listen to:
-Ray D’Arcy (Today FM)
-Jenny Huston’s The Waiting Room
-Rick O’Shea (2FM) and I’m not ‘just saying’ that because he’s a bloggerer!
-Matt Cooper’s The Last Word

Four things I look forward to:
-Moving house
-The smell of the first lawn-cut of the summer
-Having money to spare again
-Brushing out the dog’s winter coat

Four favourite foods:
-Prawn Curries
-Black Olives
-Spreadable Chocolate Sauce
-Chili Con Carne

Four places I’d rather be:
-Living in my new house
-Thailand
-In the pilot seat of an F14 fighter jet
-Camping in the Grand Canyon

Four people I email regularly:
-Me aul ‘fla
-My buddy Lou
-The Chairman of the local resource group I belong to
-Mathilde, an ex-French student of ours

The rules say that I have to pass this meme on to four people, then comment on their blogs to let them know.  I am however, in Sue-Doe-Nim style, going to break the last part of this rule because I’m on a dial-up connection which has to be disconnected now for the good of my bank balance.  Don’t worry though, I’ll be reminding you in due course…

I pass this meme forward to Me Mammy, Eire Rules, Jenny in her Living Room, and Curly K!  Have fun, ladies!

How excellent the Blog Awards were last night!

Best Bud attended, probably expecting a real geekshow, but was so obviously impressed by the crowd, the presenter, and the humourarse George Dubya preludes.  Not to mention her winning a DVD player!  ‘*sigh* I never win anything…’ came from her disillusioned lips just as her numbers were called out.

You know what was the strangest part?

Normally at a party, you’ll find yourself gazing upon a sea of unfamiliar faces.  You look at a person and wonder what their story is, so you talk to them to find out.  Last night, however, I felt like I knew at least half of the people quite well already from reading their blogs, but I had no idea how to tie these personalities to the faces!  Name badges were supplied, but a dry-wipe board in one corner of the room would’ve helped- a blank grid perhaps, with the heading: ‘Who are you and what are you wearing?!?!’   Sincere thanks to the bloggers who came over and chatted to me, for I was painfully shy!

There were, however, some people who had no need for nametags at all at all…

‘Isn’t he sooo pretty?’

I stuck by Hails and her sister and together we gazed at tits at a vague attempt to read the small print, but it was pretty tough going - this would explain my uncharacteristic rapture at recognising Medbh thanks to her patent yellow slingbacks, then my double rapture to find she was chatting to Gimme.  I truly apologise to the poor bloke they were talking to for interrupting their conversation so unbelievably rudely!

I had to split shortly after before my ballgown turned back into a Van Halen t-shirt at the stroke of midnight and TAT turned back into a badger.

I hope there aren’t too many heads suffering from backwards rollercoaster syndrome today.

Me?  I am a little delicat…

(for the record, I swear this picture is not photoshopped!)

This is how conversations are going lately:

-o-

*bland conversation happens while I fidget, gasping for an opportunity to brag about being shortlisted*

-break in conversation flow…-

Other party: “So anyway enough about me!  Have you any news yerself?”

Me: “Uhhh, not really,” *feigns casual but entirely fake joggage of memory* “Oh!  Apart from this award thingy I’m going to on Saturday!”

Other party: “Award thingy?  What award thingy?”

Me: “It’s a blog award ceremony in Town.”

Other party: “A blog?  Blololog! *giggle* What’s a blog?  Sounds like something you’d read on a toilet (ha ha ha)… like ‘Please flush your blog’!  (ha ha ha ha)

Me: (Vaguely insulted) You haven’t heard of a blog yet?  Psht, you use the internet don’t you?  You must have heard of blogs!”

Other party: “Uhh no.  Enlighten me.”

Me: “It’s like a soapbox, or a magazine article that you write and publish onto a website.”

Other party: “Like Bebo?”

Me: “No, sad sap, not like Bebo.”

Other party: “What the fuck is a soapbox?”

Me: *sigh* “A medium for public announcement I suppose.”

Other party: “What do you have that’s worth announcing?!”

Me: “I don’t know, stuff I guess.  You read magazines!  If you read magazines you’ll like reading blogs.”

Other party: *Starts to lose interest* “So tell me about the awards… you know someone up for one?”

Me: “Me!”

Other party: “No way… seriously?  There can’t be that much competition so, is it a small function?”

Me: “Fuck you!”

Other party: “Sorry I didn’t mean it like that… *shuffles nervously*”

Me: “It’s ok.  So anyway, if you want to know what a blog is, why not visit mine?  It’s a bit mental but you might like it, especially as you’re into creativity and all that stuff yourself…”

Other party: “Uhh, ok, what’s the address?” *Examines nails*

Me: “Search for ‘Kate the Great’ but replace the ‘ate’ bits with the figure 8.”

Other party: “What?”

Me: *repeats the concept* “Or just cackaloo.com, that’s easier.”

Other party: “Whatever… so are you going out this weekend?”

Me: “Yeah, dude, I’m going to a sodding blog award ceremony!  Hey you know what?  I never get awards for stuff, let alone being nominated for one.  Where’s the love?  Where’s the friendly support? What sort of sodding friend are you?”

Other party: “Jeez, relax!  I’ll look at your site, ok?  Feel better now?”

Me: *scowl* “Tell me how to find my webpage, smartarse!”

Other party: “Uhhh, I search for ‘crackapoo’, or ‘Kate has eight’, right?”

Me: “Screw you, fuckface!”

Other party: “Whatever.  Hey did I tell you I got new shoes?”

Me: “I hope you fall over and break your legs and I hope your new heels end up stabbing you in your cold, cold heart, beeeaatch!”  *I walk off sulking*

 -o-

This is a pretty accurate conversation.  You might think ‘What a sucky friend that is!’, but the funny thing is, this conversation happens with pretty much everybody.  What exactly is so naff about blogging?

Take my best bud, for example.  I asked her to come with me on the night, and she said ‘Sure, whatever… hey why don’t we just show our faces for a bit and then go out to a proper pub?  X and X are in Dublin on Saturday night, we could catch up with them and have more fun!’

Where’s the love, people?  Where’s the love?!?!?

Another addendum:

You know what?  That was bang out of order my slagging Best bud, in hindsight it’s well exaggerated, just the product of a scorned lady.  If you should ever read this, Pooh, know that I totally understood the plans, but used you cheaply to further a point because I’m that sort of friend.  I look forward to your slaps unless you don’t end up reading this, in which case- Nice one! 

My life is freaking me out, man.  This taxi lark?  It just keeps sticking it in and breaking it off.  Remember when I was harping on about my disabled vehicle taxi license falling through?  Well, the new application form arrived yesterday, and instead of them charging €270 for a hackney license, guess what?!  They’ve hiked the price up to just over a thousand quid since February 1st.  400% increase!!!  Apparently they weren’t ‘obliged’ to tell us when we were on the phone inquiring about it.  Is this a bad sign?

So what do we now?!  I’m sick of sitting on potential resources and not having a clue what to do with them.  There must be something out there we could be good at, and I’m not talking about buying lottery tickets.  The blue-collar job is looming, but we are two reasonably educated people stuck in council housing due to bad circumstances and can’t think of any other way out.  How tough those baldheads make it for people like us to dig ourselves out of this dependancy hole!

That’s how the bummed-out side of me is talking.

The unbelievably happy side of me is bubbling over at the idea that a lot of you people out there like my blog!  I forgot to breathe for those few seconds after I saw my name on the newcomer shortlist, I was so humbled that I made it through, out of so many excellent writers out there.  Delighted too that Hails is with me!  She’s one of my mostest clicked links.

Thank you so much to my nominators and sponsors (buys cocktail for Deborah), and to the judging readers too.  So much material to read and so little time to do it, with such enormous diversity of reading matter- this cannot make for an easy job.  Thanks most of all to the one dude organising all of this… you’ve given so many bloggers great kicks just to see their names up in lights, just to know their ramblings make a difference - the bloggosphere is electric thanks to you.

Will Ferrell, the big elf who starred in ‘Stranger than Fiction’, and o’ course the famous sketch The Landlord, is getting an award tonight from UCD’s Literary and Historical Society. The James Joyce Award, if you don’t mind!

When I saw this on the news, I’ve gotta say, I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

He hasn’t written anything, or done anything majorly historical, he’s just a darn funny actor worth €13.7 million per film!

I searched for more information on the superhighway, and I think I found the real reason behind it - Will’s just spent the last two weeks holidaying around Ireland! Of course… I betchya he found himself stumbling around Ranelagh one night and falling into a gang of UCD students, who of course being complete stoners, leapt on him and decided on the spot to award him the major accolade! (For the craic, fair play te ye!)

In the words of James Joyce himself;

“Ireland sober is Ireland stiff.“

Or, maybe Shane Hegarty has it sussed better;

…The (James Joyce) Award is:

a) a distinction bestowed on particularly worthy individuals whose achievements should be recognised.

b) a stunning display of flattery calculated to entice big names with big egos.

Will Ferrell - Feckin’ chancer!

Ed Harcourt – Something in My Eye

I was really annoyed at first. The arrogant old git. How dare he try a new hobby, work half-assed at it for a bit, then just suddenly shoot to fame?! He wins a prestigious award and signs a book deal within the same week? The cheek of some people. I’m starting to believe dad now, when he says he’s in league with the devil.

Then I saw the bright side.

I’m joining the ranks of Peaches Geldof, Lourdes Leon and Blanket Jackson! Yep, I get to ride on the back of my father’s fame, strutting around on red carpets without having to do anything at all! Second-hand fame really has to be the best, just ask Mzzz Beckam. I might even have a shot at releasing a clothes line!

Where will it go from here? Presidency? Global Domination? *GASP* The Oprah Winfrey Show?

* * *

Here’s the follically enhanced freak himself!

But wait, who’s the guy behind him?! Why that’s Cully! Cully introduced Grandad to his first groupie, then bought us all a dose of Bolly!

His website got two awards, including the Grand Prix! Fair play t’them.

* * *

I’ve to go now, and practice my catwalk pout.

I’m finding myself with spare time suddenly but with nothing much to say.  Then I decided that it is very rare for a blogger to post a post and use all of their tags at once (Bloggers such as Brian F and Stupid Irish Daddy are disqualified for lack of imagination of course).  This is my challenge,  and I’m giving myself an award for it.  You can have one too if you can do it.

What is both strange and unusual is that marijuana is illegal.  This subject is taboo, but it’s just something to think about.  Once one partakes in the activity of having a spliff, one is immediately part of the chain.  One is working hand in hand with the drug-lord and his artillery, and my philosophy is that this is unfair burden on us stoners.  It’s a little known fact that weed is quite benign, that it’s worst effects are the munchies and diminished brain capacity, but we accept this, and we take responsibility for it quietly and with a few giggles thrown in. 

Working the daily job is not easy.  Neither is dealing with the family and it’s shortcomings.  My weakness is that I would like to sit back and be able to put up with the tripe on the box and find it humourarse.  Sometimes it’s nice to listen to music or glance at the uncategorised pleasures of this life and be inspired to write new poems and things.  Contrary to public rantings, weed does not generally make us want to take up smack or turn bi-polar.

That’s all I’m saying because this is supposed to be a quickie.

Here’s my award.

Do you want it?  I’d offer it up for general grabs but seeing as memememe is one of my tags, I have to name names.

Me aul’ f’la

Irish Flirty Something

Scribbles by Hanulf

(You know you want it)

‘Scuse my lack of postage of posts again.  What with being a mother and a nurse and a taxi driver and a chef and a window cleaner and an occupational therapist and an advisor and a treasurer and a house cleaner and a wiper of little bottoms, it’s been tough edging the old blogging in.

So TAT doesn’t want a Playstation 3 anymore.  Great!!!  No, now he wants an Xbox 360 because his mate just got one. 

“I found a spare €370 lying around in me bank account, so can I get one?”

It’s amazing how grown men can be so similar to eleven year old boys sometimes.

The thing is, I’m not a complete bitch.  I’m not just keeping him under the thumb or around my little finger or whatever you want to call it.  I wouldn’t mind an Xbox either, but the thing is we’re supposed to be moving house soon and I’m trying hard to get TAT saving money, because if he thinks I’m forking out from my SSIA, he can fork right off.  Besides, I feel like a complete hypocrite buying the newest latest diamond-encrusted versions of things… I keep thinking of the homeless and the starving and the mistreated people out there.  Somehow the balance seems unstable, what with money being so relative an’ all.

That was my closing argument right there.  We can’t afford it yet.  But we will, soon.  End of a bloody long conversation.

That was then.  Now however, a certain somebody seems quite close to winning an award, and invited me to the doo.  Another excellent excuse to break out the Jenny Vanders dress?  A night in high society?  A chance to see that certain somebody break out into a drunken ‘Streets of London’ singsong with a guitar that has mysteriously conveniently materialised in the wee small hours? Yes please.

Except that when I excitedly told TAT about this upcoming event, he asked how much the tickets are, and I told him the truth.

“We can’t afford it.” 

He has me over a barrel.  Not a barrel of monkeys either.  A barrel of dirty sticky ’see how it works both ways?’  I didn’t even try to argue.

See how being virtuous sucks?  See how it hurts to be sensible?  What is that all about?

Me daddy - God bless ‘im - threw an award my way recently… this one is the ‘Break Out Blogger’ award:

“This award casts a spotlight on bloggers who are just beginning to draw lotsa attention — the equivalent of a song with a bullet on Billboard’s Top 100 chart. Lotsa good posts. Lotsa good buzz. These bloggers are going places in a hurry.�

What a nice feeling.  These awards always seem to arrive with perfect timing!  Lately there’s been a tiny rite-of-passage going on with my blog.  The honeymoon phase is wearing off as my stats get lower and my Google rating still remains a big duck egg, and this used to concern me. I used to get a bang from seeing my Technorati rating go up a notch, but it seems to be asleep lately, and I find myself not really caring so much anymore.  This proves that I’m in it as a hobby, as opposed to worrying about the popularity race.  I don’t really see my blog going anywhere in a huge hurry… but it’s still all good.

There are people who are naturally good at pretty much everything, an all-rounder sort of person.  Then there are people who float just under the surface undetected, like me.  It’s a nice place to be… you can bob up and down without the stress of having to keep afloat.  I found this especially true in school, and was musing through an old school yearbook recently, having a laugh at the awards I never won back then.

You had the Merit Award, the Studies Award, the Academic Achievement Award, the Subject Award, the Senior and Junior Linguist, the Student of the Year, the Dillon Cup, the Talented Teens Award, the Public Speaking award, the Punctuality Award, the Highest Achiever Award, the Sports Awards, the Young Entrepreneurs Award… it goes on and on.  The gas thing about these awards is, even though they apparently give everyone a chance to win something, the same kids got all the awards.  One chick walked away with 11 awards in the bag one year, thus ironically making her the most unpopular child ever.  Jealousy is a bitch.  In all my years at school, I won just one award… a subject award in music, for my fiddling endeavours.  I’d won a cup before I started school at the age of 6 for my piano-ing endeavours, so they went well together.  Along with my blogging awards, it’s appearing to me that I’m a bit of a creative cow.  It’s just hard to get used to!  Sometimes it feels like people are just taking the piss, or carrying through in a tag-like fashion. 

I don’t care.  For all the people that bitch about awards being fast and loose, I think the point is being lost.  It’s a wonderful thing to encourage someone’s efforts even if they aren’t in first place.  I think a lot of kids in my old school would’ve loved this sort of boost, instead of being left to feel a bit of a nobody in the end.

So, in this spirit, I’m going to pass the award on to the following bloggers.  Not because it’s a taggy type thing, but because they deserve them.  They are the blogs I go to whenever I need a dose of amusement and weirdness:

Grannymar, you’re brilliant because you have a huge range of soulful subject matter, with a few excellent jokes thrown in.  You’re also an extremely faithful commenter, so this is my way of thanking you for finding the time somehow to leave messages on our blogs and give us all a lift.

Coffee Helps!  Hails, I love reading your posts because you never really know what’s coming next, and at times it feels like I’ve known you for years.  AND I like the way you throw up pictures of pretty men because there’s always a need for pretty men.

Gimme over at Stranded on Gaia, you spew your feelings with such style, it’s an inspiration.  It’s like reading the blog of Withnail.

I’ve only recently discovered Foreigner by Default, but it’s one of the blogs I read most frequently.  You definately know how to entertain!

May you all bob frequently, and with style.