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Feb 24

Ten things they don’t warn you about before you get pregnant… #5

Posted on Wednesday, February 24, 2010 in Jobs, Little known facts, Strange and Unusual

(#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 )

The Nesting Instinct

You may or may not have heard references to this phenomenon before.  It’s described as an instinct that kicks in at some point during pregnancy, most commonly when birth is imminent.

There are whimsical references to it in books and in films, down the pub and during Ann Summers parties… this urge to clean obscure and bizarre places.  But!  It should never be underestimated.  It is a very serious thing indeed.

I’m not talking about getting on your hands and knees to scrub yellowed pee and crusty puke from the dark corners of the no-man’s land behind the toilet, I’m not talking about risking life and limb to reach the waterproof covering on the bulb in the porch to extract the countless dead bodies of flies that have accumulated over the years (how the hell did they get in there in the first place?!?)

I’m talking about demon possession here.

One morning, you might wake up and decide that every floor surface in the entire house must be bleached to within an inch of its varnished life.  Superhuman strength makes you lift the couch and drag heavy oak tables outside, even though you’re tired and hungry, you will not rest until it’s done.  You’ll happily risk your life, your back, and your growing belly for the cause.  It’s a very strange thing.

Today it happened to me, but I’m nowhere near my due date.  At least I hope I’m not.

This is what it looked like at 9am this morning:

spareroom

Twelve hours later, it looks like this:

Photobucket

I’m not sure how it happened, nor where all the junk went to – I blacked out for a while and may have eaten it all. All I know is that if somebody called to the door with a de-fibrillator right now, I’d happily have a go of it. Even blinking hurts.

So, if you have a room that needs de-cluttering, forget Kim and Aggie, all you have to do is get yourself up the duff. Most of the time, it works every time.

Bring on the comments

  1. Grandad says:

    Nice bit of Photoshopping!!! ;)

  2. K8 says:

    Funny that, I did actually photoshop the second image, but only because the exposure made a weird demon-shaped image on the wall caused by a freaky flash reflection on the mirror – the photo had to be exorcised.

  3. Granny says:

    A Granny flat,at last!

  4. Robert says:

    I was warned about the nesting thing before Lucas was born.

    My god nothing prepared me for the ferociousness of it all. The day before he was due the whole house was smelling of various detergents, fresh paint etc.

    *shudder*

  5. K8 says:

    Granny; I’ll swap you that room for your house!

    Robert; My kingdom for a 12 litre tin of washable matte. *sigh*

  6. Grandad says:

    That’s a deal!! I’ll mention to her later that she’s moving out of her coal hole and down to your place. She may be a tad disappointed as she is fond of the place, but I’ll get her drunk before telling her. She’ll be glad to be nearer the shops, and I’ll be glad of the peace. What do you plan on doing with the coal hole?

  7. Baino says:

    Haha . . it’s so true! Even in late pregnancy, I had super strength and could move wardrobes in order to clean behind and rearrange. Looks like a cosy little room now!

  8. Kirk M says:

    Where did all the junk go to? Check the bedroom first. If the bed is a might higher off the floor than usual than you’ll probably have a good idea…

  9. Holemaster says:

    Ha. I wonder how that worked in Caveman times. Poor Ugg would have been scared to go near Uggalina for fear of a serious clubbing on the noggin.

  10. K8 says:

    Grandad; The coal hole’s a great improvement on the park bench I had lined up for your retirement, and you know it. In you get!

    Baino; It’s a bit spacially challenged in there but still inspires happy claps – that task was giving me nightmares for months!

    KirkM; I think I might have dug a tunnel underneath the houses and stuck all the junk under someone else’s house.. no. 15 looks a bit wonky all of a sudden.

    Holemaster; Ha! Proper order too. Not much changes in two million years.

  11. Fat Sparrow says:

    Fuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk!!!

    Seriously. Props, girlfriend. I should bring you over to sort out my moving boxes.

    When I was pregnant with the Nestling Sparrow I decided it would be a good idea to refinish the bathroom, a task I had been putting off for years. There was this stuff that you use to refinish the sink countertop Formica. The smell was so strong that I passed out, and the Spouse Sparrow had to finish up the job.

    When I was 8 months pregnant with the Fledgling Sparrow, I hauled the box for a big-ass, really solid wood crib out of the truck and then up 3 flights of stairs, assembled it. My mom had a shit fit.

  12. Jo says:

    It never happened to me!

    I need you round my house, I have a worse ‘before’ picture than that.

  13. Vicky Rogers says:

    ahh nice one i done a bit of nesting myself last night. my room was right messy and i could not find shep anywhere so i had a massive clear out. but there is thing though where do i put all my mags if anyone wants a few dozen copies of heat and more mag please give me a shout.

    NOw if you ever feel the urge to clean up again just give me a tinkle and i will reward you with free backrubs and some jaffa cakes i cant do better than that

  14. Grandad says:

    The plan is that Herself moves down to your place [and you have our coal hole in return]. I remain here with a certain newsreader. What you do with the coal hole is up to you.

    Have you considered the possibility of remmaining at your current state of pregnancy for a few years? Sounds like you could have a good career as a house clearer?

  15. unstranger says:

    You could move to Limerick and clean up the boat yard for us.

  16. K8 says:

    Fat Sparrow- Maybe it’s our bodies putting in a formal request for heavy lifting, practice for the strain ahead?! Yep, toxics are right out, but passing out is always great fun. Maybe the Formica stuff would’ve helped in the maternity ward?!

    Jo- I’m done for the next quarter century!!!

    Vicky- “Couldn’t find Shep anywhere”- Haha! I’ve had days like that. You have to keep sitting down on things until you hear a squeak :)

    Grandad- I wonder if your newsreader friend babysits? If she doesn’t, is there a lock on the coal-hole so I can deposit the children to go to the pub?

    Unstranger- Bring the boatyard to me and we’ll strike a deal.

  17. Granny says:

    Herself is on one again,spent the day painting the walls of her new interiors two shades of green. I never would have thought that our K8
    had any special devotation to St Paddy!
    It could be worse,there are forty shades of it.

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