Grey Wright; Thanks for the compliment, it’s lovely! As for awkward statements, I try to avoid ‘em too, but foot-in-mouth disease is very easy to catch sometimes. The wrong words can unfortunately be the most memorable and not the thought implied which is a crying shame.

Mary Witzl; That’s where the simplicity of a hug lies… words can too easily be taken literally.

Kirk M; It’s not really all that amazing being a woman… we’re the same, but with different burdens, differently shaped problems. If it weren’t for men, we wouldn’t be here at all. Thanks for saying so though! Makes me proud without really knowing why :)

I’ve always believed that a woman is the most amazing being and after reading this post my belief is justified once again.

I try hard not to be a platitude person too, but sometimes I fear I’ve managed to say the wrong thing, out of desperation to say something. When my mother died, I couldn’t believe the number of people who told me it was for the best — what a stupid thing to say! But I figured they were just trying to say something, too…

I hate people who fill those silences in any awkward situation with platitudes, I try hard never to be one.

My brother and his new wife had a miscarriage just before Christmas and it’s been something of an elephant in the corner. I now feel the time is right to offer my ear and a hug so cheers for the encouragement.

I was amazed to discover how frequent miscarriages are. Something like 1 in 3? And yet it’s rarely if ever discussed in our society. Madness.

Anyway you speak so openly and courageously here. Such honesty is so admirable. Fair play. Maybe you could award yourself the Dog’s Bollicks award?!?

Baino; Ah jeez thanks for commenting, you’re life’s a bit mental at the moment so you must be wrecked! That’s seriously harsh, what you went through… when I remember all the bitching and whingeing I did, considering the pain can’t have been a patch on that of a later miscarriage. I remember that urgent need to try again now that you mention it… nature’s way of distracting us maybe.

Tinman18; Oh no that’s awful… confusing as hell? I have to thank you for the thought, though, I hadn’t considered the fact that my kids might have the right to know about their potential sibling in the future. It must be such a weird surprise when you’re all grown up.

Holemaster; The pain lies in not knowing what could have been, I think. I’m so sorry you lost your sister, life is so cruel for taking her away from you all like that. Perhaps she’s still there, in a way, looking after you though you may not know it.

Quickroute; Yeah, as a nation we’re not great bonders or discussers of personal things… I think them in the U.S. have it sorted in that department. Our mammies are too proud to admit pain, which is a bad thing for the most part.

Kate; That’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened to you… such a traumatic thing to have happen especially, as you say, if there’s nobody to talk to… but it’s never too late. Thank you for remembering your twins to me, I know it’s not easy.

Roy; I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how this must feel from a father’s point of view, you need to hold things together without fully understanding all the reasons and that’s an increadibly brave and patient thing to do. Give the missus a hug for me, willya?

Jennifer; Hugs back! Chuffy is special. I think we all have certain elements of him inside of us. ;)

English Mum; Thanks, your writing is so touching… kid’s questions are often the toughest of all. I totally agree about the hospitals putting miscarrying women in waiting amongst pregnant women, that’s such a tough thing for both sides to witness. I remember TAT kicking up a fuss about this but as usual he didn’t really get anywhere.

Steph; I’m so glad this proved to be a kind of release, you’re right… nature is cruel and has a twisted sense of humour, but we’re just puppets, there’s no shame in what happens to us. I think it’s beautiful that you named this child. I never did that, but I never really associated things that way. After reading Xbox’s link I’m seriously contemplating the tree idea though. That’s beautiful.

I too have experience of miscarriages but had never managed (until now) to openly admit that I miscarried one of my babies into a bedpan. Somehow, for me this represented the final insult to the child I’d failed to carry to term.

Reading your account of how you bravely retrieved your foetus from the loo, has made me realise I’ve nothing to be ashamed of and I thank you sincerely for that.

You may be interested to hear that my father was to one to always recognise my losses (my mother buried the subject) and I was very touched to find that he’d recorded the loss of our son, Daniel on the family tree.

I was delighted to find Xbox’s link to Jane G and her post about the MA remembrance service. I too wrote about that day and linked it back to another post I’d written about Daniel.

http://biopsy.wordpress.com/2008/11/11/they-shall-not-grow-old/

I feel very sorry for people who suffer infertility and miscarriage – a double blow for which no words suffice.