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Nov 5

War on Maxi

Posted on Wednesday, November 5, 2008 in Humourarse, Rantings, Strange and Unusual

Today should be a joyous occasion… a new and reliable president has been elected to bring the U.S. back into the light, the world is full of hope and promise.  The world apart from this blog, that is.

Ladies and Gentleman, I am loath to inform you that war has broken out.

Maxi Cane, as you all know, is a filthy fucker.  His is the sort of site you pray that your children will never accidentally find, the blog that NetNanny was invented for.  Nastiness, corruption and feculence await you should you ever find yourself having wandered in there by mistake.

Fed-up with the carnage of indecency, I made the ultimate sacrifice.  I rounded up my entire stock of tampax and bombed his country with it in an effort to absorb the filth.  Maxi Cane did not take this kindly, and has seen fit to call this an act of terrorism, of war.  He likened me to the Mc Cain to his Obama, but the reality is that I am the Geldof to his Cowan… such underhanded behaviour should not go unpunished.

I implore to you, my readers, not to stand and defend my blog, but to stand and defend the concept of human decency.  I cannot promise you riches or wealth, merely the knowledge that you’re on the side of the good guys, the tireless and un-wielding people who know that to fight the good fight is all that matters in this world.

I am Samuel L Jackson, I am Ezekiel 25:17;

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

Together, good people, let us round up our collective imaginations and bring down Empire Maxiland.  No punishment is too harsh, there is no line to cross as Maxi has long ago ascertained, there are no boundaries.

Let us keep the peace by bombing the shite out of Maxi Cane.

Who will join me in this fight and rage towards the dying of the shite?

Bring on the comments

  1. stipes says:

    i think your on your own sister. Have you seen his mates?
    Knackers, one and all.

  2. Quickroute says:

    As Minister of Political Cleansing of Maxiland I demand your immediate unconditional surrender or prepare to be cleansed (excluding your filthy house!)

  3. K8 says:

    Stipes; Don’t worry about me, young man. I have some fine soldiers on my side with a flair for the corrupt – things might get interesting around here.

    Quickroute; I will never surrender!!!! If anyone needs cleansing, it’s Maxi Cane, the dirtbag. Smellumentary my arse.

  4. Brianf says:

    Who is this MaxiCane and how dare he call K8 a terrorist?!?!?!!!
    May the full force of anger rain down on him!!!!
    Before ya’ know it we’ll have the Statue of Liberty shaking her fist at this MaxiCane.
    (unfortunately we now soon will have an avowed communist in our white house so let’s get to this!!!)

  5. My nana’s half acre is at your disposal, me and the one with the scar from B*witched stand with you.

    But if you take fake tans away from me, I’ll turn on you.

  6. Maxi Cane says:

    I shall never rely on the plagiarism of Sir Quentin of the Tarantino’s for my inspirational speeches.

    A disgrace.

    You are the Palin to my whatshisface.

    Xbox:
    You’ve just made yourself a target, sunshine.

  7. I have, and I’m sticking it to your big arse

  8. Baino says:

    Since I have no formal role in Maxiland other than to deliver iced tea and bikkies, I’ll stand on the sidelines with the oranges and a few band aids. How’s that for diplomatic!

  9. English Mum says:

    Ooh, I’m in!

    Can I be Minister for Food?

    Oh, hang on, or actually can I be Minister for Pink Wellington Boots (important to keep one’s feet dry in the trenches)

    Ooh, or… what about Minister for Silly Walks… always fancied that one too

  10. Maxi Cane says:

    XBox:
    Oooh big words.
    You’re all mouth and no trousers.

    Baino:
    Are you dissing your formal role of tea minister??

    Think carefully now.

    E M:
    Is that a German flag by your name?

    Just how far are you taking this war?

  11. Ermm, I’ll just stand around with a mop shall I?

    Have you any idea how difficult blood is to get out of white shag pile?… but then yours is probably shitty brown.

  12. I’m only trouserless because of a vile oppressive CandyCane regime…

  13. Maxi Cane says:

    You’re only trouser less because you want the Cane.

  14. How very Homoerotic.

    Didn’t work for the Greeks either though…

  15. Quickroute says:

    “Ermm, I’ll just stand around with a mop shall I?”

    @ Queen of Clean – I am the Minister for XYZ Cleansing – Try and take my job would ya?

    K8 wants to be Queen
    You think yer a Queen

    ‘Annus Horribilis’ all over again

  16. I’m with you, gurly! You’re a hell of a lot dishier than that auld Maxi! :)

    The only stipulation is that I must be Minister of Defense!

    Maxi, I’ll sail up to your unsuspecting shore villages, and 19th century nuke your arse. (Cannons filled with Tampax!)

    Damn, I just gave away my first military strike! :)

  17. Darren says:

    K8,

    As you well know, Maxi Cane is a wholly respectable and upstanding member of the community. His charitable works and kind heart make him a vital part of all the lives he touches and all the people he helps. If it weren’t for Maxi, there would be no goodness left in the world.

    Your vicious and unfounded attack on such an honourable citizen is a disgraceful and cowardly attempt at gaining attention for the dirt rag you call a blog. If you have an ounce of self respect, you will print a retraction and offer your sincerest apologies to Maxi. He deserves more than this pathetic attempt at humour. K8, you disgust me. I hope you die a slow, horrible and painful death.

    Kindest Regards,

    Darren Byrne

  18. and the airport is totally under the control of the maxi forces…

  19. K8 says:

    Brian; Good on yeh mate… top up your ammo reserves there and ready the missile launcher.

    Xbox; It’s an honour to have you and scarface and your grassy bits on my side. I’ve an enclosed compound ready for your fake tanners… they may come in handy if things get biological.

    Baino; Feel free to lob a few oranges around if you get bored ;) You know where to aim.

    English Mum; Minister for silly walks whilst wearing pink wellies it is, so!!! I’d forgotten about the psychological damage a silly walk can do… excellent idea.

    Queen of Clean; I’ve a bucket of battery acid here if you want to get busy with that mop in the right places…

    Quickroute; You are henceforth banished to Uranus. I warned you.

    Jefferson; I’m charmed to have you on board, Sir. No better man!!! I have a fleet of fighter jets awaiting your instruction in Shannon airport, and Lidl gave me a special deal on several lorry loads of Tampax. Happy days!

    Maxi Cane is gay.

  20. K8 says:

    Mr. Otter, your medal of honour has been revoked for being a messer.

    Xbox; The landing strips are mine. The only things Maxi may possibly have a tenuous control over, are the helipads.
    I suppose that would make them Maxipads.

  21. I stand by your side, full of righteous indignation at this insult the dictator Caine has thrown in your face willing to DIE! for the cause of good blogging!

  22. Kirk M says:

    I’m in. I’m an expert in covert operations and I have an old submarine locked up in storage at your disposal (you have no idea how much that costs me per month).

    Oh yeah, I still have that Piper Cub with the nuclear bomb strapped to the fuselage that was used to bomb Vermont (unsuccessfully) during the war with Canuckastan. We could put that to good use as well.

    Besides, I hate Blogger. :P

  23. K8 says:

    *Heartfelt applause for Roy’s outcry of defiance*

    Kirk; You are most welcome to the cause. I am blessed with a most learned and fierce band of warriors, the likes of which no army has seen before, you have cause to be very proud indeed. Maxi Cane is bunched.
    As you were, soldier.

  24. Maxi Cane says:

    Jefferson:
    You picked a losing side there, but when her side falls we will accept the victims into our side.
    Tampon cannons were made illegal in the Geneva convention.

    Roy:
    You will die in vain and K8 will feel no remorse. Neither will I.

    K8 blows goats.

  25. K8 says:

    Oh you’re screwed now.. you’ve pissed Roy and Jefferson off, discussions back at base camp are becoming volatile.

    Once we’ve bet you down, Jefferson is planning to practice is new taxidermy course on you and sell macabre photographs to the press. Then Roy will mow your sorry dead ass over with his taxi several times, just to be sure.

    Need I mention we have Nuclear arms? Let’s not go there, eh?

  26. Maxi Cane says:

    I fear no man, woman or taxi driver.

    As for nuclear arms, you don’t have the intelligence or the funding to get your greasy mits on any.

    You’ve got a base camp?

    That’s gay, we’ve got a stripper grotto with Jagermeister.

  27. [...] fucker is going down”, he cogitated whilst sending a cryptic troop movement message to k8 the Gr8! Sphere: Related Content Related PostYesss! (2)Blog? (3)Hot day in Camerico (6)A few wee [...]

  28. Baino says:

    Of course I’m not abrogating my responsibilities as the Char Lady! Just expanding the portfolio

  29. [...] and great talent. I call on you to take arms and side with this noble hero against the tyranny of K8, against her misguided ways and erroneous beliefs. K8 is not evil, K8 is no monster. She has merely [...]

  30. NaRocRoc says:

    K8, I had previously declared neutrality on behalf of the fine citizens of the Liberated Secular Republic of NaRocco.

    That was before I heard word of a stripper grotto with Jagermeister. Now I’m torn. I need assurances!

  31. [...] 10, 2008 at 5:33 pm (Uncategorized) War has been declared by the State of Kackaloo (aided by General Beardy Von Smoke) on the benign dictator Maximus Caneus (aided by his Ministry of [...]

  32. K8 says:

    Sir NaRocRoc, greetings to you and your fellow Naroccans. I understand your needs of the flesh, but I warn you of Maxiland strippers, for they are filthy and unwashed and also are mostly camped up males.

    Our strippers have hair that smells like apple and coconut, wash daily in the Pacific ocean and like to massage each other with body oils to make them oh-so-soft.

    Days free of STDs in K8opia; 34,445,663
    Days free of STDs in Maxiland; 3 (though I’m told it was a quiet weekend as most of the strippers were filling in Work Permits for K8opia.

  33. NaRocRoc says:

    In Narocco, we prefer strippers who smell of Jagermeister!

  34. Maxi Cane says:

    NaRocRoc:
    Everyone prefers strippers who smell of Jagermeister. They might smell of coconut and shit in K8topia, but who wants that?

    They’d be too concered about keeping their hair neat and tidy. Our strippers don’t care what you get in their hair, if you know what I mean.

    And they only have hair in the one place you want it, not like K8′s au natural mingers who look like they have Shirley Bassey in a leg lock and Robin Williams inspired leggings.

  35. [...] to infiltrate and destroy K8Opia.  His latest attempt to freeze my communications with the Queen, K8 the Gr8, has been foiled.  After much interrogation, his slimy cronies have turned in his [...]

  36. Ces says:

    Your opponent is a pussy. He thinks he can shock by showing disfugured male sexual organs. Typical male. What a fag warmonger. Turd and Worm!

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