Oct 2nd, 2008
Maxi Cane - The Smellumentary
Now I’m all on for experiments in the name of science, you know that. All it takes is the brave Guinea pig, the one who stands up and says ‘YES! I will put the questions burning in your minds into practice and give you the answers because that’s the sort of guy I am!’
Hurray, I say, for the brave experimenter. Rather you than me mate.
In true Maxi style, it’s dark. It’s anti-social. If he pulls it off, he’s guaranteed to offend people in their hundreds but it’s all in the name of science so that’s okay.
What’s the Smellumentary?
Stop showering. That’s pretty much it. For 30 days, Maxi Cane will cease all showering, brushing and gargling, and will test his immunity along with the patience of his loved ones. Brave. Very brave.
I’m curious… I have a feeling that there is a certain level of smelliness that the human body can excrete, given that eventually naturally cleansing enzymes kick in… but add to this the pong of over-used and under-washed clothing? The mind boggles.
“This got me thinking, could a person go for 30 days without washing or changing clothes and carry on in a normal way the way they usually would?
Would a person suffer any short or long term health effects of being a filth monger?
Would I get comfortable and break a lifelong habit of personal hygiene.
Think about that for a minute. None of us were born knowing that we had to wash or keep clean. How many times were you told by your parents to brush your teeth, take a bath and wash behind your ears? It’s a life long habit that people just don’t break. So would I have trouble adjusting to it? Would I adjust too easily and not want to go back to my clean ways?
Physical health problems in the short term are a given I suppose, but what about long term? Would there be any lasting psychological effects?”
Maxi has also made a wee video as a taster…
…and has even created the concept of Smellenges for us loyal supporters of the Greater Good. A smellenge is basically our idea of the foulest way Maxi can excarberate and flaunt his filth within reason. It’s a competition amongst bloggers and foul-thinkers alike, passed on in a meme sort of fashion. The winners of the best and most applicable ideas, win this:
Bonus!
The rules:
- Choose three activities that would antagonize Maxi’s aroma and get up people’s noses
- Make sure they’re at least a little physical
- Keep them relatively simple, safe and legal
- Link your answers back to Maxi Cane, obviously
- Give credit to the person who tagged you
- Tag three others
I got tagged right off the bat, but I had to think really hard because this stuff warrants some serious brain-cell burnout and now, here, finally are my smellenges.
1. Climb the Sugarloaf.
Yeah you heard me! You’ve no excuse now, matey. When you’ve finished, I smellenge you to walk in through the front doors of the Ritz Carlton, and let me know exactly how long it takes to wipe the staff’s faces of those stupid faux-friendly smiles that are bet into them by ‘Posh ‘r us’ recruitment or whoever the fuck it is. It’s annoying, and I want to see you break them down.
2. Flush a blunt object.
Be it an empty pill bottle, a comb, a net bag full of corks… whatever. I want you to play havoc with your sewer system. Then, when problems arise and people are pissed off about their bogs over-flowing, you save the day. Open up that sewer cover in plain view of the neighbours and unclog that baby, savouring the gush of fresh excrement as it’s freed from its tubular jail-cell. Then you need to go from door to door to canvas for your neighbour’s gratitude with a funky hand-shake. Now you’ll really know who your friends are.
3. Infiltrate your nearest Tesco’s ventilation system.
This shouldn’t be too hard… they manage to stinkify the front entrances with the smell of freshly baked bread somehow, so there must be a fan operating somewhere near the kitchen. Stand by that fan for as long as you possibly can (impersonate a health-inspector?) and fumigate that entrance. Tesco stinks. It’s about time somebody let them know.
Now, to nominate some Smellengers…
Grandad - HA! Sweet revenge.
Terence Mc Danger - While you’re in the meming mood…
Primal Sneeze - Ming it up.
PS. If you are interested and wish to support this concept, have a look at Maxi’s questionnaire. If you think this he is just looking for attention and this is all just the product of a bored man’s twisted imagination, visit it anyway and leave him nasty comments. He likes that too.