Story of my Life
There are some fierce creative memes flapping about recently, aren’t there? This one is from Squidward and here are the rules:
If you had to select celebrities/actors to play the parts in the story of your life today (including yourself!), who would it be and why – this can be based on looks or personality!
The Rules!
1. List the people who would play you, and the key people in your life.
2. Give credit to the person who tagged you.
3. Link your answers to the original blog, that’s here (http://www.iRamble.co.uk)!
4. Tag four new people to participate.
-o0o-
Right so…
I’d have Mary-Louise Parker play myself (as long as she can do me accent!), because I related to her character and her family in ‘Weeds’ a little bit too much. It was quite scary how similar we seem to be, except that she can give a mighty verbal ass-kicking which is a subject I am studying.
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The Accidental Terrorist would be played by Keith Duffy, because no foreign actor could act a true Irish lad’s lad, the type of lad that you find annoying at first until they grow on you and you find out that they’re great craic after all, and are handy with a spanner.
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My father would be played by John Cleese. I often wonder if they’re not one and the same person in fact – Grandad’s blog-vs-John Cleese’s blog… see?! I am Cleesedad’s offspring.
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My mum would be played by Brenda Fricker because she would nail the part. She has that earthy mammy quality about her, but with a dark and twisty edge. I yearn to be a Fricker type lady when I grow up.
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Laughingboy and Puppychild are tough, that kid Emma Bolger is one amazing actress, but too old for the part. I suppose we could just use sound-effects for Puppychild, maybe a Jack Russell? Otherwise she’d have to play herself which she’d probably love.
Laughingboy would also have to play himself (unless there is one extremely talented 7 year old out there?), but his story would be amazing on film if he had a voice-over… an inner monologue maybe. I crave a voice-over of his inner-monologue in real life more than anything else in this world, and I reckon Daniel Day Lewis is best for that part. No, I’m not taking the piss, My Left Foot is pure coincidence I swear. That lad can act.
-o0o-
I hereby stuff this meme in a bottle of petrol, light it and throw it at:
Baino… English Mum… From the Living Room… and Xbox4NappyRash. Suck it up!
Watch this space
A few weeks ago, the acc. terrorist bought one of those flashy LED thingys that scroll pre-programmed messages for the back of our taxi – he’s a sucker for shiny stuff. It’s pretty much exactly a bit like this one:
You can pre-programme up to 50 messages to display, controlled by an extemely complicated looking remote. I reckon I could get the hang of it! I’m trying to think of stuff to display, though I’ve only mustered up these ones so far:
- Thanks!
- Hang up and drive.
- Turn your f***ing lights down.
- Keep tailgating me, I need the cash.
- Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
- Remember: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
- Warning! I brake for hallucinations.
- Is this a rhetorical question?
I need 42 more. Give a girl a hand?
-o0o-
What a response!!! Here’s the follow-up:
From Thriftcriminal:
- Awww yeah, overtook your sorry ass!
- Seen the film ‘The Hitcher’?
- Mr. Hanky, the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love you, therefore vicariously he loves you, even if you’re a jew.
- Exterminate! Exterminate!
- Make it so!
- Rigormortis makes me hard
From Me Ma:
- Supercalifradgealisticexpealidocious
- Don’t push yer Granny off the bus
- Free perks on monday – neck massage with every ride
From Me Da:
-Danger! Driver has P.M.T. (predictable but accurate)
From Baino:
- Get in, sit down, shut up, hang on!
From Warrior:
- Imagine, it could be you in this car.
- If you can read this then tell me what the previous line was.
- What are you doing looking at this, look at my brake lights… oh too late.
- Boo!
- You are alone, I am alone, give me a tenner to pay for my petrol, you can walk.
- If you stop following me I won’t tell your wife what you did last night.
From Jefferson Davis:
- Get the f**k out of my way!
- Feck off! (Nice and to-the-point, this one)
- Don’t dare skip on the fare
- No lip, just a tip
- Hire these tyres
From Doc:
- I got some bad ideas in my head
- You talkin’ to me?
- Pssstt… what does the yellow light mean?
- Driver speaks no English
- I knew at an early age I wanted to act
- How’s my drinking?!
From John Braine:
- I’m not getting another ticket just for you. So back the f**k off!
From Xbox4NappyRash:
- So it goes ‘Accelerator, brake, clutch… I think.
From La Vepista, herself:
- You are being watched.
- Slow down, cops ahead!
From a bored person: (Whos style I like!!!)
- Don’t make me go Psycho-Bitch on your annoying ass
- You say I’m a Bitch like it’s a bad thing!
- I’m sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot
- Amazingly enough, I don’t give a shit
- Admitting you’re an asshole is the first step
From Moo Dog:
- You’re so close and ugly, I can tell that your Spitting Image puppet would actually be good looking. Ya prick ya.
From Maxi Cane:
- Baby on board… last person to cut me off in boot!
- Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.
- Giving me the finger won’t turn the roof sign off!
- I’m not a real taxi, I borrowed the sign off Michael O’Leary
- Guess who I had in the car last week… your ma!
-o0o-
*CALCULATING…*
That’s 51 messages!!! Fair play to you all. That’s fucking team-work.
Sean cairdeas
I ashamedly didn’t own an English-Irish dictionary until a few weeks ago. (My school copy is in attic limbo somewhere…)
Then, just as I was agreeing with TAT that we should at least make some sort of effort to re-engage the language in our lives, I found one amongst the other old free books at our local recycling centre.
This poor Irish-English dictionary has been gathering dust on my shelf until tonight, when I opened it to help me with the translation of Íomhá an lae, an excellent blog written as Gaeilge. It makes me want to learn all over again, and I’m delighted that there is such a funky resource out there to help me.
I opened the front cover of this old book, to see if there were any scribblings to show its history (as you do), and was bowled backwards to find this:
It’s hard to read, but it looks like the owner of the school dictionary had a friend called Rosie, who wrote something along these lines on the 6th of February 1976 to what I assume is her best mate:
Hi gorgeous The word gorgeous is scribbled out in red ink
I’m going to write you a memo. I don’t know exactly of what, but don’t worry, I’ll think of something. As you see I had the foresight to right this in pencil as you can rub it out. Imagine having this scrawled indelibly *BRAINS* (I’m not too sure if you can say that or not, but not to worry!) How’s the crack? OK, so that’s a stupid question; I hope your nerves regarding Sunday are a bit better than what they were when I was last talking to you – it must be nearly 2 hours. Such a parting!! Seeing as this is a memo I suppose I’d better make it one, if you follow my logic!! In memo of being in 6th year, that should last you all your life! Five months we’ll be left school for good and i’ll be exactly 18. Gee whiz, ah!!! Even be aible to vote – don’t mind the gammy spelling. Ciao baby.
Rosie
This discovery means a lot to me, recently my own best mate from school called me to tell me she’d found a stash of passed notes from school… she assures me that I was just as mental then as I am now… that’s very comforting, I’m glad it wasn’t a result of all the drugs I took in later years. She had me in stitches with the memories.
I hope Ann and Rosie are still friends.
Do you have any written records of conversations with your buddies from your school daze?
Bitch.ie
“Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.” – Henry Ward Beecher
I think blogging is a type of art form. It’s not a skill or an ability, it doesn’t require practice, it’s simply words typed into a text-field that represents the thoughts of the writer. Good grammar is a boon, but not that important to the overall message, especially when that message is interesting and real.
Blogging is about information, the search for answers and the discovery of the unusual. An exceptionally good blogger wins praise (and awards!) for constantly producing insightful content in a way that the rest of the world can relate to and enjoy.
Now… I’ve only been blogging for a year and I know that my content has gotten neither better nor worse, but at least I understand blogology a little bit better. There are un-written rules that state that you shouldn’t slag another blog without good reason because that would be like betraying one of your own, but I’m going to do it anyway.
I wasn’t going to do this. I’ve wanted to do it for such a long time but was afraid that I would turn into someone’s enemy and now I see that life is not about being afraid, it’s about standing up for what’s real. So, I’m about to do a drive-by-shooting of my own.
-o0o-
Beaut.ie annoys the hell out of me.
It’s far too pink for a start, and the content is similar to a batch of expired Gruyère. It’s worth a try because it is – by it’s nature – supposed to improve with age, but shortly afterwards you realise it hasn’t, and now you just feel very very sick. Why does expired cheese win awards?
OMG!!! Yeah that’s right, I’m a bitch. But!!! I have a defence.
Exhibit A: 90210: Fondly Remembered – I’m sorry, but wasn’t that show fairly shite?
Exhibit B: (From Win! Cocoon Limerick Signature Treatment Facial)
Cocoon use superb cutting edge ranges like Ole Henriksen, Phyts and NVEY ECO. They subscribe to a natural, pure and totally gorgeous philosophy and “believe that the essence of a glowing and radiant complexion lies in the combination of fantastic facials using the best products and beautiful makeup”.
That sounds exactly like our philosophy at Beaut.ie!
-but wait! I thought that the essence of a glowing and radiant complexion lies in plenty of water, a varied healthy diet and copious orgasms? Why does everything on this site have to be chemically based with a kiss-ass review?
I told yiz all about my encounter with the dark side of facials recently, and how it’d left my skin so sore and sensitive that I’d been slapping on the Aveeno, because anything else had caused immediate heat, irritation and redness … So then I read the press release. It appears that this stuff works because of an ingredient it shares in common with Aveeno – Feverfew. This is a little powerhouse of a plant, and it works to soothe irritations and calm inflammation. So it’s brilliant for use in skincare aimed at anyone who reacts badly to yer run-of-the-mill beauty products.
Price and availability – these babies are €13.95, and you’ll pick the brand up in chemists nationwide.
- Ok, so this lady is learning that the usual bunny torture juice she’s been subjecting to her skin is rotting her skin and robs her of her hard-earned cash, but does she stop? Does she look for alternatives? Nope, she’s sold out and seems committed to endless skin abuse.
From Dianne Brill Still and Fill All Night Temptation;
Ingredients include Swiss hydro apple fruit (not many of them down in Tesco), essence of snake venom, oasis cactus, vitamins and shea butter – all making this night repair cream smell absolutely yummy (think granny smiths).
-Snake venom?!?! Cactus?!? By jove, I think this girl’s been had!
Exhibit C: The Blather Category
365 comments? I wander in to see what the fuss is about and find myself in a field of sheep. They seem lost for information and dying for advice about real issues… diet, contraception, men, health… the sort of shit all us girls want to know about. So what’s the post that triggered these questions off?
Published by Aphrodite July 24th, 2008 in Beaut.ie blather
Oh glorious Thursday you’re here already!
Let’s
Get
Our
Blather on!
Baaa. Where’s the content? Where’s the reality, the hard-core face-it-or-die reality that is behind real beauty? What the fuck is the point of looking like a tango’ed chemical junkie when real beaut.ie lies beneath?
I’m a girl, and I want to learn ways to make the job easier… ways to make my own shampoo, ways to understand hormones just a smidge better, ways to deal with the task of looking half-decent and feeling contented with just three hours sleep and a barrel-load of emotional baggage. I want to see oldskool advice – advice that my mum taught me about pinching my cheeks, or relaxing my face for ten minutes to ward off headaches and wrinkles. I want to know what stuff I should be drinking to help me understand blokes. I want to know what’s truly good for me without the bullshit and the price-tag. Is it so much to ask?
I do have to say Kudos to its designers (apart from all the pinkness) though, for it is an excellently navigable site, should you be arsed.
Beaut.ie is letting the side down.
This isn’t beauty, it’s not good advice, it’s just another advertising site.
-o0o-
There I said it.
