May 29th, 2008
Visiting mutant-slayer not to be sneezed at
A young man was arrested in Dublin City last night for the attempted smuggling of snuff with a street value of approximately €2.99.
Jefferson Davis of no fixed abode allegedly alerted his accomplice (known as ‘K8 the Gr8′) to his situation on live television, using morse code during the Angelus from his holding cell. A guard commented; “Jaysus but that Jack Bauer lad hasn’t a patch on Davis!”
The communication led to a botched rescue attempt resulting in severe weather changes and an accidental chemical leak into the Dublin City water supply system, however the pair escaped and fortunately later saved the world from the resulting epidemic of mutant pidgeons. Witnesses gave an account of an elaborate scheme involving The Spire on O’Connell Street, a tankload of peanut butter, a beer mat and 10,000 supermarket trolleys.
The Gardaí gave the heroes a glowing report.