K8 the GR8

Those leaflet racks in hospital waiting areas are always good for a laugh.

I’ve been using this one ‘info’ postcard as a bookmark for a few weeks now because it always makes me smile.  It seems to be one of a set of information cards made by the Health Promotion Unit, to try to educate the public on the various types of drugs you can get out there.  This one is for Magic Mushrooms. 

The gas thing is, I’m afraid they’ve somewhat missed the mark, because this product looks damn attractive to me…

Look at the design - calm blue green aqua shades, a trippy jellyfish, the print looks mystical and inviting!

This is the science side of the card, in other words, this is all the information you need to score, and how great your buzz will be once you do;

- They give you a slang term ‘Mushies‘, so you won’t look like a knob in front of your dealer.

- If you don’t know a dealer, they tell you that they are ‘Hallucinogenic mushrooms that grow in the wild’, and they give you a picture so you can be absolutely sure what they look like when you go trapseing around in your wellies looking for them.  No room for error there, so.

- ‘Users dry them and either eat them or make them into tea’.  Kind instructions for naive experimenters everywhere!  Sound!

- THE HIGHS: ‘In small amounts, users feel relaxed and happy.’  (that sounds lovely…) ‘In larger amounts, they experience hallucinations.’ (Pretty much like on the front cover, here… doesn’t that look tempting, children?)

- THE LOWS: ‘Hallucinations can sometimes be unpleasent and frightening.’  (still beats boredom, though…) ‘Another problem is eating poisonous mushrooms by mistake which may result in serious illness or possible death.’ (it’s ok though, because there’s a photograph here so we can double-check!  Sound again!)

That’s all there is.  Not very scary, is it?  They should give a small case study to back up the horrors… like mine;

~:~

I had some Mushie soup once at a houseparty.  While I was waiting for the giggles and hallucinations to arrive, I noticed that maggots had somehow gotten into my stomach and were chewing away at its contents.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop picturing these maggots all squirming around in there.  I could even feel them.

I ran outside to a bunch of daffodils who all started screaming at me so I hurled on a patch of heather instead so as not to piss them off even further.  A major fight began between the diced-carrots and the flowers which I watched with interest until the ground began to eat me and I had to move. 

I went back into the house to find that the ‘Easy Rider’ soundtrack was still stuck on loop, but I couldn’t get close enough to the stereo to turn it off because all the trippy notes kept getting in the way and entangling themselves in my hair.  This madness lasted a long time, with not a poxy giggle to show for it.  Magic Mushrooms suck, if you ask me.

~:~

I wonder if the heroin information card has diagrams of the cardio-vascular system on it so you know what vein to aim for?